There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found puke in my bra..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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