I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
