Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
