capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
