Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
