i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
