i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
