My room smells like vodka and shame
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
