i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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