can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
