You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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