Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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