Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
