I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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