I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
