Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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