careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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