I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
