i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drake has all the answers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
