I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
