Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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