UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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