i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize