Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
