I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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