K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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