I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
