dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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