Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
