The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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