somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
