Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
