Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
