$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
