I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
