I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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