Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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