she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
