you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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