he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
