Farmville is her only friend.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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