Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
