How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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