i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
