see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
