I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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