Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
