Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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