My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
