yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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