Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
