If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm too high and old for this...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
