Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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