I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and you said cock pushups were impossible
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My feet surprised me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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