Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
