I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
