Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
