I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
