There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize