i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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