To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
