if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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