This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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