You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
