508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
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What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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