Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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