So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The power of my boobs compel you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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