omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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