I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
