U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
