Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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