she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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