the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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