I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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