I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
